Why make blog posts?
I think now is a good point to write down some motivations and intentions for this blog. In the spirit of taking things slow, I'll break this up into 2 posts. In this one let's talk briefly about motivations and next we'll do intentions. (There might be some overlap because right now I'm trying to decide what even is the difference between motivation and intention).
What motivated me to start this blog?
Shame (the book)
In Gershen Kaufman's book Shame he takes some time to explain why he is writing the book:
I offer this book not as a finished product but as a stopping point for reflection in an ongoing exploration, not as inviolate truth or knowledge but as one man's evolving view. ... I offer [this view] because it has shown itself useful, and what is useful ought to be communicated. ... It is from such shared communications that we move toward ever more accurate understandings.
There are 2 big points I take from this that make me want to share more with the world:
- This is a snapshot of an evolving view. Sometimes I'm afraid to put my voice out there unless I can prove that it's the right view. But reading Kaufman's words I feel a sense of ease in recognizing that this is just an evolving view, and that's OK. In fact it's even a good thing, given the infinite complexity of the universe and the impossibility of really having a "right" view.
- What is useful ought to be communicated. I think real human experience is useful. I'm considering this blog as part of the citizen science project of being human. I'm sharing my experience and views as authentically as I can so other people can integrate them into their reality in whatever way suits them and then they can build on it and return it back to the universe. This is being a good ecological steward.
The "evolving view" piece is a particularly useful reminder. If viewed as more fixed/static, words can be scary. I'm reminded of Plato's/Socrates' criticism of written words:
They seem to talk to you as though they were intelligent, but if you ask them anything about what they say from a desire to be instructed they go on telling just the same thing forever.
The fact that your old words don't update as your viewpoint evolves or as they are misinterpreted is in inherent disadvantage within the writer/reader relationship. But it also provides a uniquely beautiful level of freedom to the exchange. Is that not why books are such a powerful force? The reader can take what they need out of it, not constrained by what the writer intended to give.
Shame (the experience)
I have a lot of internalized shame that affects most (all?) areas of my life. It keeps me small because shame makes the experience of being seen feel intolerable. The antidote to this is simply taking the risk to be seen more (in a reasonably risky and compassionate sort of way). This blog is a chance to be seen in a way that aligns with my goals. So, it just makes too much sense.
Being this blunt about shame is scary. I feel tense. One of the fucked up parts of shame is that it feels shameful to talk about it. Not enough of us do. We might see just how common it is.