Questions
Every morning I start my shower with 1 minute of cold water. I do this to strengthen my ability to do things I absolutely do not want to do. This morning, like every morning, I found myself motionlessly staring up at the shower head and feeling the adrenaline. My daily conversation with my best friend/nemesis. My preferred strategy here is to count to 3 and turn the knob before I reach 3 because the longer the conversation goes on the more easily I can be convinced that today is not the day to be cold (and also I got more important things to do than stare at a shower head!). But sometimes I do linger a little bit because I think it's important to balance demandingness with responsiveness (like the authoritative parenting style). In these cases I'll listen in to what the resistant part of me is saying. Sometimes I'll even push the minute of cold to the end of the shower as a gesture of good-will.
This morning the conversation went something like:
Yesterday you went a little hard, maybe ease back again today and turn it cold at the end to balance things out? You might burn out if you keep pushing it. I want to feel game for this and capable, but I just really don't want to do it! It shouldn't feel this scary, that's not good for me or nice to me. I don't want to push myself like that.
And then all of the sudden this question came to me:
Can I do it?
And an answer instantly came back:
Yes absolutely
After that, everything immediately settled down and my hand turned the knob.
The right question can be a powerful clarifying force among the endless chatter.